After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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