I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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