can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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