And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
