Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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