for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
