Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
