Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I met the friendliest cop last night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
