She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
