i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
