Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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