I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
