How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
