I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
