i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
