The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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