The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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