Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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