I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
