There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
