i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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