By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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