I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
