Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
