he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
