You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
