Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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