If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
