i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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