I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
