Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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