Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
