there's paper in my vomit.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
