you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
