Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize