Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Four minutes until I can fart!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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