I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
