just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
