You're my little dorito
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
someone owes me an orgasm
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
