I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
