non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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