Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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