farters have to be the big spoon...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
