so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
