party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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