when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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