nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
