Porn is love you can see.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
