I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
