false alarm. still invincible.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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