Tell her she can't have a vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
