Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
