Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
