SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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