the condom got lost in my hair
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
