Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
