this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
