Ambien. No doubt about it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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