Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
