last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
