Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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