he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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