maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
