is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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