Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
