fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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