I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
