I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
