I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
