birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
