I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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