dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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