It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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