When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But break dance skills will only take you so far
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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