mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
