I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
