no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
