Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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