Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
