It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
