i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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