How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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